I have prided myself on the fact that I am not an overprotective mother. I am ok with EB crying. I have had no problems with leaving EB with babysitters. (To be fair, Chris and I have left her four times in the 6 months she has been alive. And we left her with people who we have known personally for years. But, we have left her so we could have a good date night every once in a while.) I have not had many moments where I have questioned my decisions regarding my daughter.
Until today.
So it goes like this...last Sunday in church EB cried in the middle of prayer. Chris and I wrestled with car seat straps and buckles as her volume intensified. It was a hugely stressful moment for us both, especially because we have sworn that we would never let our child cry in a service (you know, because we can control that, right?) When Chris did get her out of the sanctuary I became the recipient of some pretty deadly looks. It turns out old people have forgotten their own experiences with their children, which I vow to never do. I excused myself and sat out the service in exchange for a chatty and quite content baby. I have no idea what Richard spoke about last week.
This week we were determined to take the big step of dropping EB off in the church nursery. Here's the deal about our nursery- it is an outstanding place for kids over a year old. They have an amazing place to play. But it is not a place for infants, particularly those who need to nap. It did not bode well for my mommy instincts to leave her with strangers who didn't know our routine or that EB loves to be read to, especially "Olivia." Would they talk with her when she started her squawking? She loves that. I sat through yet another service where I did not hear a word. Sorry Richard, I am sure it was great. The whole time I questioned my decision. After the service, I raced to the room to collect my little presh-head and found her quite content nestled in the arms of an obviously competent and caring nursery worker. Man, am I a mommy or what?
Until today.
So it goes like this...last Sunday in church EB cried in the middle of prayer. Chris and I wrestled with car seat straps and buckles as her volume intensified. It was a hugely stressful moment for us both, especially because we have sworn that we would never let our child cry in a service (you know, because we can control that, right?) When Chris did get her out of the sanctuary I became the recipient of some pretty deadly looks. It turns out old people have forgotten their own experiences with their children, which I vow to never do. I excused myself and sat out the service in exchange for a chatty and quite content baby. I have no idea what Richard spoke about last week.
This week we were determined to take the big step of dropping EB off in the church nursery. Here's the deal about our nursery- it is an outstanding place for kids over a year old. They have an amazing place to play. But it is not a place for infants, particularly those who need to nap. It did not bode well for my mommy instincts to leave her with strangers who didn't know our routine or that EB loves to be read to, especially "Olivia." Would they talk with her when she started her squawking? She loves that. I sat through yet another service where I did not hear a word. Sorry Richard, I am sure it was great. The whole time I questioned my decision. After the service, I raced to the room to collect my little presh-head and found her quite content nestled in the arms of an obviously competent and caring nursery worker. Man, am I a mommy or what?
But I mean, look at this face! You would have a difficult time leaving her, too!
This is great, Beth!! I went through exactly the same thing with Ryan - except he was crying pitifully when we went to pick him up. I confess he hasn't been back since! Look who's also an overprotective mother :)!
ReplyDeleteBeth I am with you, I didn't leave Ellen until she was almost at a year if I had known this was your first week I would have stuck around with you. I totally stayed and made myself an honorary nursery worker the first time I left Ellen because I was not comfortable. I almost cried leaving her today. You are good mom. I'd be concerned if you didn't worry! One day we will be able to listen to entire sermons. But it's hard leaving your world in the hands of strangers, but I always have to tell myself that I can trust God to watch over her when I cannot.
ReplyDeleteSince I don't have a child (yet) I don't know how this feels exactly but I can imagine.. and I have seen other people give the stare that you are referring too.. I have also watched my friends with children go through this same struggle with letting the nursey workers keep their children as well as trying to keep them quiet in the santuary as long/much as possible. Over all I must say, I think you are doing a great job. I have friends who have a 4 and 3 year olds and they have never stayed with anyone other than family.. so you aren't overprotective... take a deep breath and know you are doing a great job!
ReplyDeleteI wonder if god gets as annoyed at babies crying in church as I get when they cry on airplanes.
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